Bipolar Weekly

Month: October 2020

Forest Bathing Irritability Away

October 26, 2020 /

Irritability is one of the most frustrating and damaging symptoms of bipolar disorder. Some of the awful things I have said when I have been acutely ill caused me shame and embarrassment for years. Now that I have been stable for quite some time I still get minor bouts of irritability from time to time.

My volunteer job entails working with seniors and once in awhile I will notice that I am getting irritable with the seniors. Who gets snippy with nice elderly people? When I hear myself talk like this, I realize that I am irritable and I try to say as little as possible. It feels like I am holding my breath. Eventually I have to say something and then I hear myself sounding curt but I feel powerless to make it stop.


Recently, during a time of irritability, a friend invited me to go for a walk. We walked through a densely wooded area of a park and I remembered something a close family friend said to me about Forest Bathing. This is a practice in Japan called Shinrin-yoku where one spends time in wooded areas to become healthier and gain a positive sense of well being. After our walk through the mini forest in the heart of the city I still felt irritable but the severity of it had decreased significantly.


In my view, I have to do my best to prevent my irritability from damaging relationships. I do this by taking my meds regularly and I try to make healthy lifestyle choices to decrease the chances of becoming acutely ill. If I know I am having an issue with irritability I will leave the situation and inform the person I am with that I am going to walk for thirty minutes and then I will come back.


I am fortunate that my family understands that some of the awful things I have said when I have been acutely ill was just noise that my episode was producing. This did not help my sense of guilt and shame. Peer support helped me deal with that aspect of the experience.


In my opinion, irritability is not our fault but that doesn’t mean we get to flip out just because we may be experiencing. We need to do our best to be responsible for keeping it in check with lifestyle choices and working with our psychiatrists to find the right medication.

For family and friends I am not sure what to say. I am reluctant to give the impression that any level of irritability is ok but at the same time I hope there is the possibility of compassion depending on the circumstances. Now that I have had a lengthy period of stability, I know that if I am irritable it’s best for me to take some time to go for a walk and maybe even avoid people for a little while. I appreciate my friends that understand this and do not take my absence personally.


Irritability is definitely one of the toughest aspects of having bipolar disorder. Our best hope in dealing with it is the right medication, exercise, a meditation practice and being mindful of our choices when we are around people.

Creativity and Bipolar Disorder

October 19, 2020 /

According to Kay Redfield Jamison, a clinical psychologist and author of An Unquiet Mind, everyone who has bipolar disorder is not necessarily creative but amongst people who are creative there are a disproportionately high number of people who have bipolar disorder. Redfield-Jamieson used biographical data to suggest that mania may have affected creative geniuses like Hemingway, Tchaikovsky, Dickenson, Keats, Munch, among others. Having a list of so many famous and accomplished artist share the disorder makes me feel good and  it helps reduce the stigma.

I have had the pleasure of meeting gifted musicians, artists and writers who have bipolar disorder. However, for me, there is a danger in getting too excited about my own creative thoughts. All of my manic episodes had an aspect of creativity that triggered them. This makes me sad in a way because I am actually pretty good at coming up with solid creative ideas but to make that an unencumbered focus of my life and stay well is not possible.

Many people who have been medicated for the first time to treat bipolar disorder complain they have lost their creativity. Over the years I have met people who have learned that without the energy that comes with hypomania it is still possible to be creative, but it does not stream out of them effortlessly. The quality of their work does not suffer, and they are more focused.

Recently, I have discovered I have a talent for writing. When I am writing there is the rare occasion where I get over stimulated. When this happens, I stop writing, go to my bathroom and sit in the dark until I calm down. If this did not work and I was unable to sleep, I would contact my psychiatrist and she would adjust my medication.

Creativity and bipolar disorder can certainly be a blessing, but it comes at a high cost. Individuals who are creative when they are high usually have depressive episodes once the high is over. In addition, having a chronic illness that impacts every aspect of your life is not fun either. That being said, the most intelligent and creative people I know have bipolar disorder and some of our conversations are truly extraordinary.

I have completed writing a memoir. I was able to achieve this goal by taking courses and participating in a program at the Alexandra Writers Centre Society. The current program I am in called the Author Development Program will be ending this week. To celebrate the end of the program, I will be doing a reading online from my book with four other writers this Thursday at 6:30 pm (MST) Click here to get free tickets to this event.

Exercise Does Not Cure Bipolar Disorder But …

October 9, 2020 /

I often hear the notion that if people with bipolar disorder just exercised more, they would be close to symptom free but that is simply not the case. Everyone who has bipolar disorder has a set of symptoms that differ in severity and type so generalizing what every individual person is capable of is not possible.

Exercise certainly can help in managing bipolar disorder. In my case, when I become aware that a depressive episode is starting, I try to exercise a bit more so that it does not get worse. When I exercise right when it starts it does not relieve my symptoms but if I do not exercise, I land in a bigger pit. Once I am in the pit it takes a long time to get out of it.

When people with bipolar disorder are having a severe depressive episode, the fatigues is so extreme that mustering enough energy to brush your teeth and take a shower requires a tremendous amount of will power. I often tell people in this state that if they cannot exercise then just try and keep moving as much as possible. Do your best to stay out of bed and even if you sit outside that is beneficial.

When my mood is low the best way family and friends can support me to be more active is by inviting me to join them to do an activity. For example, “I am going for a walk. Would you like to come?” would be a good question. It is important that the person who invited me to join them does the activity even if I do not have the energy to go with them.

I have had people in my life who are trying to be helpful tell me that when they are down, they exercise so I should do the same. Depressive episodes are not the same as feeling down. During depressive episodes you are not well. You have physical symptoms like aches and pain and extreme fatigue and exercise does help you get out of it faster, but it does not immediately alleviate the pain.

Nature’s Beauty Appreciated

October 4, 2020 /

This summer my friends and I went to Glenbow Ranch provincial Park just outside Cochrane, Alberta, Canada. When we got out of the car everyone immediately grabbed their phones to snap a picture of the spectacular view of the wide expanse of grassland. These type of pictures do not capture the vast beauty of this type of geography, they simply record the memory.


As we hiked through the many trails in the park, we came across a spot that was close to the river. We were soothed by the sound of the water gently passing us and we enjoyed the sight of cows coming to the opposite bank to get a drink of water. If

There was a time when a day like this would make me feel uncomfortable. Occasionally, when I have a depressive episode I am still uncomfortable with this type of activity. The problem is when you are having a depressive episode you are not able to enjoy things. The subtle beauty of nature is particularly difficult to appreciate.

If I go with my friends to a place like this and my mood is low I will not enjoy the hike. However, I still want to be with my friends. I don’t want to bring a dark cloud to the activity so I do my best to act like I am enjoying the beauty.

Everyone who has bipolar disorder has moments when they act like they are ok when they are not. We generally don’t tell people we are not well because the well meaning responses are not helpful. We can’t just change our attitude or exercise it away instantly. We are physically sick. Exercise can reduce the severity and the length of depressive episodes when they occur but it does not entirely alleviate the suffering for most people.


I am currently well enough that I can appreciate nature most days. If I am having a depressive episode I just accept it. I don’t panic. I know what is going on and I understand that it will not last forever. I will do my best to not bring the group down by acting like I am ok. If I don’t have the energy to do that then I just accept that I am doing my best and I don’ beat myself up about it.


If you have a friend who has bipolar disorder please be compassionate when they are not well. There is no need to keep asking them if they are ok or offer advise. We know what is happening and how to deal with it. Please do not be upset if the person does not seem excited about an activity. They are not well and it may have taken a great deal of effort to come spend time with you because of the fatigue depressive episodes cause. They have made the effort because you are important to them and they want to spend time with you.

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