Month: April 2021

A couple of months ago, I had little energy, my thoughts were negative, and I felt sad. I thought it might be the start of a depressive episode, but my psychiatrist told me I was suffering from “Covid Fatigue.” She explained the cumulative effect of the isolation and reduced interaction with people has led to people feeling down but she assured me I was not suffering from the physical symptoms of a bipolar depressive episode.

Had it been a bipolar depressive episode, I would have exercised a little more and made sure I kept eating to combat the poor appetite I experience. Implementing these two strategies prevents my depressive episodes from getting worse and they do not last as long. Although “Covid Fatigue” could lead to poor life choices that could trigger a depressive episode it is a psychological problem which requires a different type of intervention.

The main issue for me has been the impact Covid-I9 has had on my routine. I volunteer at the Kerby Centre, a centre that supports seniors. I find helping seniors rewarding and working with the positive staff fills my emotional need for positive interactions with people. The Kerby Centre is still providing important support to seniors via the phone, online and food delivery but the building is closed which means I am not needed at the moment.

My psychiatrist said we needed to add some activities to my life to help me stay psychologically healthy during the pandemic. After doing some brainstorming we decided that crochet and baking bread would be the answer. It is no coincident that these are two of her favourite activities. I am glad she is not into skeet shooting and gymnastics because I do not think those activities would be a fit for me.  

Learning to crochet was frustrating at first but, now I find it relaxing and rewarding. I have made gifts for people which makes me feel good and it is helping me stay positive because my thoughts are occupied by making stitches. When I start to have negative thoughts, I make mistakes which take awhile to fix. Crochet is helping me train myself to focus on the present moment.

In the last few weeks, I have been attempting to make bread and it has been a challenge. My first attempt was edible but very dense. When I added all the flour that the recipe called for the dough became dry and the bread came out crumbly. I talked to a friend who bakes and she told me she just adds flour until the dough ” feels right.” I had no idea how to make dough that “feels right” but after watching a YouTube video I managed to make a loaf of bread I enjoyed eating.

The brain power I used to figure out how to bake bread was a nice break from thinking about life during Covid-l9 and I am still doing crochet. I am grateful that this trying time has given me these two new skills that I will be able to use for the rest of my life. If you would like to add bread making to your repertoire of life skills, I have included the instructions and recipe that I used below.

The other day, I went for a walk with a friend. We climbed to the top of a hill where we could see the blue sky surrounding the downtown core and the mountains in the distance. I felt gratitude for the cool fresh air in my lungs and the beautiful expanse. You would think I would do this on my own all the time because it makes me feel good, but I don’t.

I have a confession to make. I really enjoy activities that are sedentary. I like to write, play solitaire, watch Netflix and sports. I am not one of those people who wake up early to jog or swim laps. I am more of a wake up late and remain in a cognitive fog until the afternoon kind of guy. I regularly go for walks with friends but rarely on my own. As a result, I can end up staying home wasting time on less meaningful activities which results in me feeling guilty and lethargic.

One of my challenges is I, like many people who have bipolar disorder, have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). People with ADHD have a problem with something called, “Task Initiation.” We struggle when a task requires the completion of multiple steps. A person without ADHD could decide to go for a walk and just leave. If you have ADHD, your thoughts will be like this: “What to wear? Where to go? Runners? Weather? Clothes? Should I leave now? Music? No Music? What time is it? Do I have time? Weather? Do I have time? Clothes? Runners? Jacket? Imagine having all these thoughts without any meaningful division or sequence. It is overwhelming and discouraging.

The other issue is my bipolar disorder makes me feel tired. My medication is sedating, and my version of the illness lowers my energy level. My body is constantly telling me it just wants to rest, and I battle with the urge to remain on the couch all day every day.

To combat these issues, I have decided to try a new strategy to help me go on walks on my own. I have prepared a comprehensive list of every minute step required to leave to go for a walk on my own and I have scheduled it on my calendar. I have downloaded a playlist on my phone that will make my walk on my own more enjoyable. I hope all of this will inspire me to create a positive loop where exercise improves my ADHD symptoms making Task Initiation less of a challenge.