(Just as a little change of pace, this week I am sharing this story that was published in the Kerby News January 2018 edition.)

So, today I was sliming my way across a bike path and some young punk comes barrelling down the path on his bike and he almost hits me. Who the hell does he think he is!? Then, I looked around and discovered that some of my best friends were lying all over the path dead. All of them victims of squish-and-run perpetrators. 

I realized that I was very vulnerable being on the path and I began to panic. To my horror, I spotted a family of three off in the distance that was bearing down on me. The child was riding one of those particularly scary three wheeled death machines. I drew up all my energy and willed myself to slime and slide as fast as I could. If I had hair it would not have been blowing in the breeze because I realized something else that was also horrifying. I can’t move very fast.

With all of my muscles in my body tensed I focused on one thought, “Must slime and slide faster!”

The family of three was set on a furious pace heading straight for me. They were already five blocks away now. I looked towards the edge of the path and I saw my friend Zack. He made it! Zack had made it to the other side, and he was not a victim of one of those squish-and-run criminals. 

He looked at me with a determined look that only a slug can muster.  It said, “You can do it Morty. Slime and slide with your heart filled with bravery and courage. Our brothers have perished but you are special Morty. You will survive!”

With newfound confidence and resolve I glided along like a speed skater going 1 mm every 5 minutes. I can do it! Thank you, Zack. I believe I can make it now and I will be victorious on this day that no one will remember because we don’t really have brains!

As time past and I grew closer to the edge, I started to feel a sense of relief. I had almost made it. Zack sat there looking so proud of me and he gave me that look that says, “You’re alright kid, you’re alright.”

Luckily, the family of three had stopped for ice cream buying me a few precious moments for me to make it to safety. I continued to put everything into my sliming clinging to the hope that I may be able to defy the odds and survive this heinous senseless slaughter of slugs.

I had just about made it off the path when I managed to just avoid being struck by the adorable family of three.  I let out a huge gasp of relief. I did it. I overcame the odds. Despite having lost my brothers who had slid and slimed bravely on this day, I had survived, and I would live out the rest of my slug life with pride and as a tribute to them.

Then, I heard this beautiful dinging sound. Was the universe celebrating with me?  I looked to my left and I saw another one of those squish-and-run hooligans was speeding in my direction. I realized that he was heading directly for the family that tried to kill me. 

I said to myself, Justice will be served today. The squish-and-run evildoer will take out the murderous adorable family of three. As he came closer and closer the heavens again burst out in that beautiful ringing sound. The joy in the faces of the family members who were still oblivious of the dangerous carnage that was about to take place was going to make this moment even sweeter.

Just as the excitement in anticipation was starting to overwhelm me, I looked over at Zack hoping to share this glorious moment with him. Then, I heard one last ding and Zack was squished right in front of my light sensitivity eye spot. I turned to look at the family of three and they were unharmed. The squish-and-run bastard had deliberately avoided running into the adorable family because he spotted Zack and had that sick evil desire that these scumbags have to murder another slug. 

My initial feelings of horror and despair gave way to my body’s fight or flight instinct and I sped across the rest of the path for the next hour. Finally, feeling a tenuous sense of safety after I had gotten off the path, I turned to look back at all of the slug corpses. My mind struggled to comprehend such a tragic and devastating sight. I looked down at Zack laying beside me, his hideously squished body forever having the indelible look of horror when one is aware of their last moment before death. 

I began to weep and my whole body convulsed in grief. A few moments later, I think it was about two hours, a fire began to burn in my heart, and I was uplifted. I will not let your murder go unpunished Zack!  I will avenge my slug brothers and sisters who have given their lives on this day just to check out what was on the other side of the path!  And now that I think about it, I am not sure if I have sisters because we all kind of look the same but if I do I will avenge them too!

For the rest of my life all of my decisions will be tied to the cause that we slugs will one day emerge to be treated with dignity and respect and we will no longer be victims of these heinous slaughters that have plagued our kind for a really long time. I am not certain about the last part but that is my impression based on what I have witnessed today.  And I proclaim that one thing is true! That a time where slugs can live without fear and oppression might happen one day!