Guilt can act like a weight attached to your ankle that drags darkness into every aspect of your life. It can make you feel unworthy of joy and at its worse it can cause suicidal ideation. Strong feelings of guilt can develop for people with bipolar disorder after acute episodes cause behaviour that results in things like infidelity, spending a family’s life savings or irritable rage.
It is not my place to say if people with bipolar disorder deserve forgiveness. I obviously think we do but I would never want to invalidate how people feel. I can only speak to how people with bipolar disorder can have their best life while living with guilt. A person who is paralyzed by guilt will have a hard time taking action to get well.
Peer support can be helpful. For people who do not have bipolar disorder it can be difficult for them to separate the behaviour from the identity of the individual. People who have bipolar disorder clearly understand the symptoms of bipolar disorder, so this difference is obvious to them. Plus, they are likely suffering from issues of guilt as well so they can relate to these feelings. There is a kind of magic that happens when we share our stories of suffering with people who understand.
There is nothing you can do to change what happened but making choices to decrease the chances of it happening again can help. This includes taking medication regularly, sleep hygiene, peer support, physical activity, and minimizing your consumption of alcohol. It is possible these changes could help those around you get over the pain of the incident but it does not obligate them to do so.
Family members can be supportive by finding help for themselves. Constantly reminding people who have bipolar disorder about their behaviour when they were not well is cruel. The memories are painful for us and we need to focus on the present. It is more helpful if family members can learn more about bipolar disorder and find their own support through counselling or peer support groups.
Feelings of guilt from my behaviour when I was not well have not completely dissolved for me. Even though I know it is not my fault I have bipolar disorder I still carry some guilt for things that have happened years and sometimes even decades ago. I have been fortunate that I have friends and family who have stuck by me despite the challenges of dealing with my behaviour when I am not well and my hope is that everyone is surrounded by people who value forgiveness and understanding.
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