blogs that include the topic of mental health awareness.
Award winning author Jessica Waite describes herself as someone who has lived with and loved people who have bipolar disorder. In this episode on my podcast, The Bipolar Disorder Moment, she discusses her relationship with her late husband and shares some of the details of her soon to be released memoir. You can hear my podcast on most platforms or by clicking on one of the icons below.
I was watching a Netflix series the other day and a character who has bipolar disorder showed up on the screen. I just held my breath. The portrayal of people who have bipolar disorder in movies and TV is usually awful. In the beginning of this portion of the show, the character is psychotic and the other characters are compassionate, understanding and patient with her. They seem to understand that she is not well. I was pleasantly surprised at first.
Then, as the story progressed her mood becomes aggressive, and she ends up doing extensive property damage that creates another calamity for the other characters in the story to overcome. As I watched her smashing electronics with the butt end of a fire extinguisher I just felt overcome with frustration. Whenever I see an actor portray someone who has bipolar disorder there is always an element of the scene where the person is violent.
People who have mental illnesses are no more likely to be violent than the general population. We are more likely to be victims of violence. I understand that violence in shows is entertaining but the consequences of all these depictions of people who have bipolar disorder as being violent is that it perpetuates a stigma that can be hard on us.
Rather than sharing statistics or making logical arguments about why this is wrong I have decided to counteract the negativity with my personal experience of why most people who have bipolar disorder are great.
1 Compassionate
There is something about having life knock you around that creates a deeper understanding of what suffering feels like. The symptoms of bipolar disorder can take away your capacity for joy, rob you of any energy to do any task, tear away all your relationships, money, self esteem and make you believe that dying by suicide is a good idea. I had never experienced true hopelessness until after my first manic episode decimated my life. The gift of all this suffering is it increases our capacity to relate to other people’s suffering and respond with tremendous compassion.
2 Non-judgemental
When people who have bipolar disorder are not well some of our symptoms include behaviour most of us are quite ashamed of. Even though we understand that it is not our fault, the reaction of people who do not have bipolar disorder to our behaviour after the episode is over can be humiliating. For example, during an episode you may believe you have become a benevolent god or that you have a number that will save the world. The resulting behaviour scares some people and they will treat you differently once your psychosis is over. The resulting shame and humiliation teaches us that judging others can be extremely hurtful and unfair and as result we are less likely to quickly judge people without understanding their circumstances.
3 Intelligent
A lot of people who have bipolar disorder are super smart. Some of the most intelligent people I know have bipolar disorder. However, I feel like I have to mention that sometimes when we are psychotic, we think we are super intelligent and have amazing ideas when we are not.
4 Creative
Not everyone who has bipolar disorder is creative but there are many of us who are. My theory is that this is because people who have bipolar disorder seem to have an endless stream of thoughts that take up a lot of our energy in the day. When we are well, expressing these thoughts through artistic pursuit can result in some impressive creations. I feel like I have to mention that there are times when we are not well and we think we are producing beautiful artistic creations when we are just creating terrible messes.
5 Interesting
I don’t think I have ever met someone who has bipolar disorder who is boring. When we are experiencing depressive episodes, conversation is impossible so people who do not have bipolar disorder may conclude we are boring. My experience has been that most people who have bipolar disorder are fascinating to talk to.
6 Resilient
Take a moment and look around you and appreciate what you have. Now, imagine that something takes all of it away from you. I assume when you looked around you saw evidence of positive relationships, shelter, financial security, dignity and respect from the community. For some people who have bipolar disorder, this can all be taken away multiple times because of our symptoms yet we find a way to rebuild and keep going. I am extremely proud to be connected to other people who have bipolar disorder because of this trait.
7 Determination
Even though life keeps knocking us back we continue to strive to be better and have a better life.
8 Patience
You cannot flip the switch when you are not well and suddenly snap out of it. A positive life requires us to patiently and methodically put pieces in our life that promote long term stability and joy.
9 Great sense of humor
This one might be because the biggest laughs I get in my life is during the time I spend with people who have bipolar disorder. Let me know in the comments section below if you have an opinion on this.
10 General awesomeness
I couldn’t think of a tenth thing but I’m sure there are some things I forgot and they would belong in this category.
As always, this blog is based on my experience. If your experience is different or you think something should be added or removed from the list let me know in the comments below.
In this informative podcast interview, Dr. Andre Pickersgill talks about the high prevalence of mental health issues he sees in his family practice as well as the connection of mental health to chronic pain. Please click on any of the buttons below to listen to my podcast.
The rate of suicide among people who have bipolar disorder is approximately 10 -30 times higher than the general population. Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 20% (of mostly untreated) people who have bipolar disorder will die by suicide. The reasons why this occurs can be complex but I will try to explain it from the perspective of someone who has the illness.
Most of these deaths occur during depressive episodes. When you understand the symptoms of depressive episodes it is easier to understand why these deaths occur. The first problematic symptom is that depressive episodes give you suicidal ideation. Our illness impacts our thoughts and behaviour when we are acutely ill. This is a physical response caused by the illness. In my experience, pep talks and trying to have a positive attitude will have little impact in improving these thoughts when our symptoms are severe. In fact, people may conclude that they are to blame for their symptoms because they are not trying hard enough to have a positive attitude which reaffirms any negative thoughts they are having about themselves.
There are other symptoms of depressive episodes that can contribute to suicidal ideation. You have thoughts that you are worthless, no one likes you, and every aspect of life appears dark. Depressive episodes create concentration problems which make conversations impossible. During acute depressive episodes it is very difficult to enjoy anything. This means eating, entertainment, family gatherings, music, Netflix do nothing for you. It feels like you are a shell of a human being, and it is easy to conclude that there is no purpose to staying alive.
Often people who have depressive episodes think their episode will continue for the rest of their lives which is rarely the case. We generally go back to baseline, and we may even head into hypomania or mania. It’s a journey to get the right mix of medication, therapy and a positive routine to create a positive life long term. There are many people who have bipolar disorder who are able to do this, one need only attend a peer support group to meet some of them.
This year, I will be participating in Move for Movember. For this campaign, I will be walking 60 km this month for the 60 men we lose every hour around the world to suicide. There is simply not enough support for men to receive the treatment they need to prevent these deaths so I am going to participate in the walk so that in my small way I can contribute to a solution to this problem. If you would like to make a donation in my name please click here.
If you are suffering from suicidal ideation, please know you are not alone. There are many people who have suffered just like you are. It is possible to have a better life. You may not be able to think of a solution to your problems but that does not mean that a solution does not exist.
Below are a few links to resources for support for people who are struggling with suicidal ideation.
Peer Support
OBAD (Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorder)
DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance DBSA)
Distress Centre Lines
Crisis Services Canada 1-833-456-4566
Lifeline (US) 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Befriends Worldwide (International)
Lifeline (Australia) 13-11-14
In my experience, most people who have bipolar disorder put a lot of effort into acting like they are fine despite the fact they are really struggling. This problem is not unique to bipolar disorder, but since it is the illness I have, I will focus on it for this blog.
Many of the symptoms of bipolar disconnect us from people. At times, the illness prevents us from physically experiencing enjoyment. When this happens conversations are extremely difficult. People generally like to talk about positive experiences they’ve had or are having. When depressive episodes rob you from physically experiencing joy then that changes how you interact with people.
For example, depressive episodes prevent you from finding anything entertaining. You could go to a movie with a friend and when they ask you if you liked it you cannot say, “Normally, I would love it George, but right now I am experiencing a depressive episode which messes with neurotransmitters in my body, and as a result I cannot experience enjoyment right now.” I suppose you could say that, but it would probably be hard to maintain friendships if you did this on a regular basis and it is unlikely that your friend would understand what you mean. It is simpler and better for us if we just put the ” I am Ok” costume on and say we liked the movie.
It’s not just depressive episodes that are problematic. Hypomanic symptoms also require a lot of energy to make one appear “Ok.” During one of these episodes, you might notice that people keep asking you to stop interrupting them because you are talking too much or your brain is screaming at you to buy a bunch of stuff you do not need. You cannot say, “Please ignore me for awhile I’m hypomanic. Can I buy your shoes? I love this song. Do you love this song? Let’s dance on the escalator.” Instead of saying or doing these types of things you have to grit your teeth, put the costume on, smile and try not to say anything.
All of this may not seem like a big deal but it’s exhausting. Bipolar disorder is a chronic illness, so our medication helps a lot, but we still have to deal with our symptoms to varying degrees on a regular basis. When we are not well enough to get the costume over our shoulders the consequences can be harsh. A parent may be at a graduation or wedding and be unable to experience the joy of the moment and can be accused of being uncaring or cold. Someone who is hypomanic can lose a lot of money, relationships, and employment.
For me, the only relief I got from wearing the heavy, “I am ok” costume was attending peer support groups at OBAD. The format is simple. You show up at a meeting and just exist without any judgement or expectation. My first meeting was such a relief. My depressive episode was so severe I could barely manage to keep my eyes open and get a word out of my mouth. It didn’t matter. Listening to other people who had bipolar disorder talk about their experience made me feel connected and not alone. I could just be ill, and everyone understood, and they were comfortable with it.
What can people who do not have bipolar disorder do to help us when they notice we are struggling to get the costume on? Unfortunately, there is not much anyone can do. My neurotransmitters do not speak English so pep talks, advice or punitive judgement will not pop me back into wellness. I just need people to be patient and compassionate with me and, in time, I will feel better.
In my life, I have often heard people say that everyone has a mental illness. The intent is to make me feel better that I have one. Unfortunately, the statement is not true, and it does not make anyone who has a mental illness feel better.
There is a difference between mental health and mental illness. Mental health is concerned with ones’ overall mental well being just like physical health refers to our bodies’ state of wellness. Mental illnesses, like bipolar disorder, have symptoms that are unique to the illness. They can be debilitating and at times so severe that they require hospitalization.
I believe mental health awareness campaigns try to decrease stigma by promoting the idea that everyone has a mental illness. In my personal experience, this seems to be working to a certain extent because it has become more acceptable to have conversations about bipolar disorder. The problem is that it has created some confusion as well.
No one is seeking a greater amount of pity because the nature of our suffering is unique to those who have bipolar disorder, but it is difficult to feel misunderstood. I am ok with the fact that I have bipolar disorder and my life experience is different from people who do not have it. To be honest, I am proud to share a personal connection to all the extraordinary individuals I have met who have bipolar disorder.
In my opinion, bipolar disorder belongs in the physical health category more than the mental health category anyway. I see a specialized medical doctor, called a psychiatrist, for treatment of my bipolar disorder. When I see her, she asks me about my physical symptoms such as how many hours per night I am sleeping, if I am having difficulty concentrating or if I have the capacity to experience enjoyment. This assessment informs her decisions on the medication she prescribes for me.
Stigma still exists. A lack of understanding of the nature of mental illnesses can cause employers to perceive employees who have one as lazy or incompetent. People who have other health problems are often treated with more compassion. Friends and family members can interpret the opinions and emotional reactions of people with mental illnesses as symptoms of their illness which is invalidating and hurtful.
Mental health awareness campaigns have opened the door to discussions on mental illness. Now, we have the opportunity to clarify what it means to have one. This understanding would decrease stigma giving people who have mental illnesses a greater chance to thrive and contribute to society.
By: Allan G. Cooper
Do you know what it feels like to help NASA calculate the speed of light? Or, maybe you know what it’s like to find a formula that makes nuclear fusion possible. How about being the sole person responsible for averting a disaster that would crash the entire internet. Do you know what that’s like? I do. Well, I know what it’s like to believe I am going through these experiences would be more accurate.
I have bipolar 1 and these are all examples of a type of psychosis called delusions that I have had. Delusions and hallucinations are forms of psychosis that people with bipolar disorder may suffer from during full blown manic episodes.
I had my first episode at the age of twenty-five when I was living in Japan teaching English and working on my goal to become completely proficient in Japanese. During a period of considerable stress, I started to believe that I had achieved Enlightenment and I had been gifted unbridled intelligence and the power to heal people. My family was forced to come to Japan to bring me home. I lost all of my money, my career and all of my friendships.
Psychosis scares people. The media often reports stories that make a connection between psychosis and violence which in my opinion contributes to the problem. People with mental illnesses are no more likely to be violent than the general population. All of the regular stuff we do just isn’t interesting enough to put into a news story.
When you’re psychotic you are not in a hazy dream state. Your bipolar brain is telling you that what is going on around you is completely real. Eventually, you end up on the psych ward trying to explain to everyone that they don’t understand that the world is going to end. You beg the staff to let you go because the results will be catastrophic if they don’t. Then, one day you wake up and the world did not end and you’re left trying to make sense of the fact that the organ that controls every aspect of your life has let you down.
To recover from this type of episode is not easy and it requires work. I know that is not what I wanted to hear when it happened to me the first time but that is reality. The physical recovery from the episode is a challenge and you will likely have a depressive episode when you crash and you will need time to deal with that as well.
Once you are physically back in the game it’s time to pick up the pieces. A nice way to ease back into society is by doing volunteer work. This gives you the opportunity to make new friends, gain work experience and it provides structure to your day. People are happy to have your help and it’s pretty hard to get fired from a volunteer job. You can control your hours and if you are physically not able to work on a bad bipolar day you can take the day off without any hassles.
Therapy can also play an important part in rebuilding your life. It can help you process the potentially traumatizing experience of going through psychosis. Also, it can provide tools that can make managing the chronic symptoms of bipolar disorder more manageable.
I haven’t had a manic episode in 8 years now. I take my meds, I have a routine that brings me joy and I have an exceptional psychiatrist. I have an outstanding group of peers that help me stay well. My friends who have bipolar are the most non judgemental, genuine and gentlest people you could ever have the pleasure to meet. Because we know what it’s like to suffer in ways others cannot even fathom, we have a tremendous capacity for empathy.
My peers and I are obviously not afraid of each other so our discussions about our psychosis are really extraordinary. Sometimes we burst out laughing at some of the ridiculous behavior you see when people are experiencing psychosis. There is the guy who bought a horse when he knew nothing about horses and he lived in an apartment. The fact, that there is always one guy on the psych ward who thinks he’s Jesus is kind of funny too. Of course, there are stories that are not the least bit amusing but at least we can talk about it openly and comfortably.
I strongly suggest that if you are struggling with trying to deal with the shame, loss and guilt that comes with dealing with the aftermath of psychosis you go find a group of your bipolar brothers and sisters. Unfortunately, we have an illness that has unusual behavior as a symptom and some people may not be capable of separating that from who we really are. We are responsible for cleaning up the mess that our Illness can create but we need compassion from those around us and ourselves to do it successfully.
By: Allan G. Cooper
If you have 2 broken legs, climbing a hill would be extremely difficult. Even if you were a motivated person with an exceptional level of discipline, the physical damage to your legs would prevent you from making any progress.
Bipolar Depressive Episodes are similar because are bodies our physically unable to function properly when they occur. Fundamentally, Bipolar Disorder is a physical illness with psychological symptoms, not a psychological problem with physical symptoms.
Prior to my first manic episode in 1995, I had times in my life when I felt depressed. I felt depressed when my pet parrots died. I felt depressed when my parents got divorced. I felt depressed when at the conclusion of a socially successful first year at University I found out I failed Anthropology. These are all healthy emotional responses to events that took place in my life.
Bipolar Depressive Episodes are completely different. It includes the awful feeling of depression and so much more. My first depressive episode was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Despite the fact that I have a bachelor’s degree in Psychology nothing could have prepared me for that period in my life. I could not have even imagined that this type of suffering could even exist.
During a bipolar depressive episode, a lot of the human part of human existence is removed. All of my senses worked and my ability to move my limbs was fine but that was close to the limit of my capacity to interact with my environment.
During that time, I could tell you all of the colours in a bouquet of flowers but I would not be able to appreciate its beauty. I could tell you if food was salty, sweet or sour but I would not be able to enjoy the taste. I could tell the difference between Country, Jazz or Hit music but I would not be able to experience the music beyond that.
The fatigue was awful. I had to use both hands to brush my teeth and I only had the energy and appetite to eat a bun with butter and some milk everyday. I remember the day I was able to make a whole sandwich for the first time distinctly because it was such a surprise.
Like most people who go through this, I spent a great deal of time in bed. I was so tired and sleepy that I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I experienced a significant amount of physical pain so the warmth of staying under the covers helped me feel better.
In my opinion, the word “depression”, when it is used in reference to mental illness, is contributing to the stigma that people who have bipolar have to face. Those of us who have the illness will often hear well meaning-comments like: “when I feel down I take an extra vitamin B”. or, “when I feel depressed I go to a comedy club”. or, “when I am sad I spend the day watching Netflix and drinking wine.” Just like none of these things would help a broken leg they won’t help us.
There is no quick fix for getting out of a depressive episode. To get back to wellness your physical symptoms need to be dealt with. This includes finding the right medication
and physical activity that is realistic given the severity of your symptoms. Also, regular visits to a specialized medical doctor called a psychiatrist will be necessary.
This does not mean that therapy and other forms of balanced health practices have no value for people who have bipolar. Our illness is chronic so our energy to deal with life can be limited. Therapy can help us by reducing the stress from past traumatic experiences and it can give us tools to manage our symptoms more effectively.
People who have Bipolar Disorder have made tremendous contributions to society and I have had the pleasure of meeting some of them. If there was an increased understanding of the physical nature of Bipolar Disorder not only would that help those of us who have it thrive but it would also be a reflection of a society that is invested in fostering compassion and understanding.
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