Guilt can act like a weight attached to your ankle that drags darkness into every aspect of your life. It can make you feel unworthy of joy and at its worse it can cause suicidal ideation. Strong feelings of guilt can develop for people with bipolar disorder after acute episodes cause behaviour that results in things like infidelity, spending a family’s life savings or irritable rage.
It is not my place to say if people with bipolar disorder deserve forgiveness. I obviously think we do but I would never want to invalidate how people feel. I can only speak to how people with bipolar disorder can have their best life while living with guilt. A person who is paralyzed by guilt will have a hard time taking action to get well.
Peer support can be helpful. For people who do not have bipolar disorder it can be difficult for them to separate the behaviour from the identity of the individual. People who have bipolar disorder clearly understand the symptoms of bipolar disorder, so this difference is obvious to them. Plus, they are likely suffering from issues of guilt as well so they can relate to these feelings. There is a kind of magic that happens when we share our stories of suffering with people who understand.
There is nothing you can do to change what happened but making choices to decrease the chances of it happening again can help. This includes taking medication regularly, sleep hygiene, peer support, physical activity, and minimizing your consumption of alcohol. It is possible these changes could help those around you get over the pain of the incident but it does not obligate them to do so.
Family members can be supportive by finding help for themselves. Constantly reminding people who have bipolar disorder about their behaviour when they were not well is cruel. The memories are painful for us and we need to focus on the present. It is more helpful if family members can learn more about bipolar disorder and find their own support through counselling or peer support groups.
Feelings of guilt from my behaviour when I was not well have not completely dissolved for me. Even though I know it is not my fault I have bipolar disorder I still carry some guilt for things that have happened years and sometimes even decades ago. I have been fortunate that I have friends and family who have stuck by me despite the challenges of dealing with my behaviour when I am not well and my hope is that everyone is surrounded by people who value forgiveness and understanding.
Thank you Allan ,
I’m sure guilt resonates strongly with everyone with or without bipolar
I have guilt from my past Strong guilt about how my family suffered because of my behaviour. I take it all on when I should not because abusive behaviour was returned equally. But nevertheless I continue to shoulder the guilt probably a thousand times more than my family members do, if they do. I am truly sorry though and my faith gives me strength to accept that I did not ask for this and I can still continue to love my family strongly . A very powerful topic Thank you Allan
Thank you Annette. I really appreciate you sharing your story to help other people. I know it has benefited people who read my blog.
Hi Allan;
I so appreciate your vulnerability and courage. You touch on something that all of us experience. You remind us that we are all in need of grace and forgiveness. I just wish that we knew better how to give and receive these gifts. Forgiveness and grace toward others and especially for ourselves is such a healthy way to go. Thanks for sharing your journey. You are touching lives.
Thank Julia. I really appreciate you sharing your wisdom.
Allan,
do not be so hard on yourself, my friend.
I can assure you that we all make mistakes and do things we regret later, even when we are well. As a result, anybody with conscience has regrets and feeling of guilt.
It is a part of being human, and it is human to forgive.
Nobody is perfect, and accepting it helps us to move towards making amends, instead of being held back by guilt.
Thank you Ivan 🙂
Allan, I cannot count the number of regrets I have. I understand that it is a disease & I could not help myself. I did put myself in bad situations all the time, but that is the bad decisions of bipolar. I do feel real guilty for what I done & wish I can apologize to everyone I hurt. I cannot change my past. I have apologize to those I have contact with, some forgive me, others did not. I accept that. When I totally accepted that I was hurting everyone close to me, I stopped listening to family & friends saying nothing wrong with me & took my own action. I am now stable as can be. Never been happier in my life & stop all those suicide thoughts, depression decreased tremendously, feeling horrible every time that someone that did not like me is gone.
Thank you for sharing your personal story Paul. It’s inspiring that you have found happiness. I am also in a pretty good place in my life and I am grateful for that.