Family Cooking to Help with Poor Appetite

Everyone one who has bipolar disorder has symptoms that are similar in nature, but they differ in severity and how they manifest. I have Bipolar 1 which is the severest form of the disorder. I have had three full blown manic episodes that resulted in hospitalizations and a loss of almost everything that was important to me.

Now, my life is structured so that I have minimal stress, medication that works for me and an excellent psychiatrist. This does not guarantee I will not have another manic episode, but I am doing everything I can to prevent it from happening again.

Despite being on medication, I still experience depressive episodes. Depressive episodes are not an extreme form of feeling low that everyone experiences. They come with a set of physical symptoms like poor concentration, body aches, inability to enjoy anything, fatigue and appetite issues.

In my case, when I am experiencing a depressive episode my appetite can become so low that the sight of food can make me feel ill. During severe depressive episodes, I can end up eating just one bun and butter a day. As a result, I have health problems because my weight has gone up and down so many times.

It has been some time since I have had a severe depressive episode. I am constantly mindful of where my appetite is at. When I notice that I am starting to feel like eating is unappealing I force myself to eat. I have learned that if I do not do this my energy level drops, and my depressive episode can go from manageable to severe.

Even though I do not feel like eating when I am having a depressive episode, logical positive associations to food can help. My family is from Pakistan. I was born in Canada and I know very little about Pakistan but I do know how to enjoy the food.  

When I am well, I make chicken curry and chapattis, flat unleavened whole wheat bread. When I make the curry, I think of my father teaching me how to make it. I remember him showing me how much spice to add by spilling some out on to his hand. When I said I needed to use measuring spoons he would not allow it nor was I permitted to write down the recipe. I found this frustrating at the time.

Now, I understand that my father was trying to teach me that making curry in our family is not about following a list of instructions. It is an intuitive experience of making a dish by feeling what is right. Now, when I measure spices in my hand, I feel connected to my father.

When I make chapattis, I add water to the flour in a way that I cannot remember learning. My hands seem to know what to do. To knead the dough, I wet my knuckles just like my father. When I work the dough into balls and press down on them gently before rolling them flat, I remember my Nana’s wrinkly hand doing the same when I was a child.

When my mood is low, I do not have the energy to make this type of food but if I buy it, I can eat it. Not because I look forward to the flavour but because of all the positive memories and feelings that come with it are enough to overcome the lack of appetite. Of course, if someone makes it for me that is especially helpful.

Thank you for reading my blog this week. If you have positive experiences preparing food with your family feel free to share them in the comments below. All other comments are also welcome including issues with food you may have.