Irritability is one of the most frustrating and damaging symptoms of bipolar disorder. Some of the awful things I have said when I have been acutely ill caused me shame and embarrassment for years. Now that I have been stable for quite some time I still get minor bouts of irritability from time to time.
My volunteer job entails working with seniors and once in awhile I will notice that I am getting irritable with the seniors. Who gets snippy with nice elderly people? When I hear myself talk like this, I realize that I am irritable and I try to say as little as possible. It feels like I am holding my breath. Eventually I have to say something and then I hear myself sounding curt but I feel powerless to make it stop.
Recently, during a time of irritability, a friend invited me to go for a walk. We walked through a densely wooded area of a park and I remembered something a close family friend said to me about Forest Bathing. This is a practice in Japan called Shinrin-yoku where one spends time in wooded areas to become healthier and gain a positive sense of well being. After our walk through the mini forest in the heart of the city I still felt irritable but the severity of it had decreased significantly.
In my view, I have to do my best to prevent my irritability from damaging relationships. I do this by taking my meds regularly and I try to make healthy lifestyle choices to decrease the chances of becoming acutely ill. If I know I am having an issue with irritability I will leave the situation and inform the person I am with that I am going to walk for thirty minutes and then I will come back.
I am fortunate that my family understands that some of the awful things I have said when I have been acutely ill was just noise that my episode was producing. This did not help my sense of guilt and shame. Peer support helped me deal with that aspect of the experience.
In my opinion, irritability is not our fault but that doesn’t mean we get to flip out just because we may be experiencing. We need to do our best to be responsible for keeping it in check with lifestyle choices and working with our psychiatrists to find the right medication.
For family and friends I am not sure what to say. I am reluctant to give the impression that any level of irritability is ok but at the same time I hope there is the possibility of compassion depending on the circumstances. Now that I have had a lengthy period of stability, I know that if I am irritable it’s best for me to take some time to go for a walk and maybe even avoid people for a little while. I appreciate my friends that understand this and do not take my absence personally.
Irritability is definitely one of the toughest aspects of having bipolar disorder. Our best hope in dealing with it is the right medication, exercise, a meditation practice and being mindful of our choices when we are around people.
Allan, this is AWESOME! So sorry I had to miss your reading the other day. Ferry trouble. Keep up the great work,
Charles
Thanks Charles. No worries about missing the reading. I had a lot of support from many people who watched it and it went quite well.
This so thoughtful, Allan, and so true … of ALL of us. Thank you!
Thank you Brian. I’m glad it resonates with you.
This is such a great piece Allan. I’ve never seen you irritable but if you were, I would certainly understand even more now and not take it personally.
Thank you Patty. As always, I appreciate your understanding.
Wonderful article Allan. Nature is very healing and thank you for sharing your practice with other.
Thank you Pam. I agree nature is healing and we are so fortunate to have so many places to experience it right in our city.
Great article!
I’m a proud aunt !
Muriel Solomon MD
Thank you Gwen 🙂