Bipolar Weekly

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10 Reasons Why I Think People Who Have Bipolar Disorder Are Awesome

February 21, 2022 /

I was watching a Netflix series the other day and a character who has bipolar disorder showed up on the screen. I just held my breath. The portrayal of people who have bipolar disorder in movies and TV is usually awful. In the beginning of this portion of the show, the character is psychotic and the other characters are compassionate, understanding and patient with her. They seem to understand that she is not well. I was pleasantly surprised at first.

Then, as the story progressed her mood becomes aggressive, and she ends up doing extensive property damage that creates another calamity for the other characters in the story to overcome. As I watched her smashing electronics with the butt end of a fire extinguisher I just felt overcome with frustration. Whenever I see an actor portray someone who has bipolar disorder there is always an element of the scene where the person is violent.

People who have mental illnesses are no more likely to be violent than the general population. We are more likely to be victims of violence. I understand that violence in shows is entertaining but the consequences of all these depictions of people who have bipolar disorder as being violent is that it perpetuates a stigma that can be hard on us.

Rather than sharing statistics or making logical arguments about why this is wrong I have decided to counteract the negativity with my personal experience of why most people who have bipolar disorder are great.

1 Compassionate

There is something about having life knock you around that creates a deeper understanding of what suffering feels like. The symptoms of bipolar disorder can take away your capacity for joy, rob you of any energy to do any task, tear away all your relationships, money, self esteem and make you believe that dying by suicide is a good idea. I had never experienced true hopelessness until after my first manic episode decimated my life. The gift of all this suffering is it increases our capacity to relate to other people’s suffering and respond with tremendous compassion.

2 Non-judgemental

When people who have bipolar disorder are not well some of our symptoms include behaviour most of us are quite ashamed of. Even though we understand that it is not our fault, the reaction of people who do not have bipolar disorder to our behaviour after the episode is over can be humiliating. For example, during an episode you may believe you have become a benevolent god or that you have a number that will save the world. The resulting behaviour scares some people and they will treat you differently once your psychosis is over. The resulting shame and humiliation teaches us that judging others can be extremely hurtful and unfair and as result we are less likely to quickly judge people without understanding their circumstances.

3 Intelligent

A lot of people who have bipolar disorder are super smart. Some of the most intelligent people I know have bipolar disorder. However, I feel like I have to mention that sometimes when we are psychotic, we think we are super intelligent and have amazing ideas when we are not.

4 Creative

Not everyone who has bipolar disorder is creative but there are many of us who are. My theory is that this is because people who have bipolar disorder seem to have an endless stream of thoughts that take up a lot of our energy in the day. When we are well, expressing these thoughts through artistic pursuit can result in some impressive creations. I feel like I have to mention that there are times when we are not well and we think we are producing beautiful artistic creations when we are just creating terrible messes.

5 Interesting

I don’t think I have ever met someone who has bipolar disorder who is boring. When we are experiencing depressive episodes, conversation is impossible so people who do not have bipolar disorder may conclude we are boring. My experience has been that most people who have bipolar disorder are fascinating to talk to.

6 Resilient

Take a moment and look around you and appreciate what you have. Now, imagine that something takes all of it away from you. I assume when you looked around you saw evidence of positive relationships, shelter, financial security, dignity and respect from the community. For some people who have bipolar disorder, this can all be taken away multiple times because of our symptoms yet we find a way to rebuild and keep going. I am extremely proud to be connected to other people who have bipolar disorder because of this trait.

7 Determination

Even though life keeps knocking us back we continue to strive to be better and have a better life.

8 Patience

You cannot flip the switch when you are not well and suddenly snap out of it. A positive life requires us to patiently and methodically put pieces in our life that promote long term stability and joy.

9 Great sense of humor

This one might be because the biggest laughs I get in my life is during the time I spend with people who have bipolar disorder. Let me know in the comments section below if you have an opinion on this.

10 General awesomeness

I couldn’t think of a tenth thing but I’m sure there are some things I forgot and they would belong in this category.

As always, this blog is based on my experience. If your experience is different or you think something should be added or removed from the list let me know in the comments below.

Ten Tips for Having a Positive Year in 2022 When You Have Bipolar Disorder

December 31, 2021 /

Here are my top ten tips for having a positive life when you have bipolar disorder. They are based on my own personal experience and what I have learnt from my psychiatrist and peer support.

1. Ask Yourself What Is Best For Your Mental Health

When I am faced with a difficult decision the first thing I ask myself is what is best for my mental health. When you have bipolar disorder you have to be mindful of how you spend your energy because we cannot afford to waste any if we want to maintain a positive life.

2.Take your meds.

There is no cure for bipolar disorder, but the right medication can give us a chance to have a positive life. Finding the right medication is generally a long process but there are things you can do to speed things up and make your treatment more effective. Bring as much information as possible with with you when you see your psychiatrist. This can include mood charts, a list of when and how you experience your symptoms and any side effects that your medication is giving you. There is no blood test or imaging device that a psychiatrist can use to treat your bipolar disorder. They rely on what we report to make their decisions. Do not discontinue your meds without psychiatric consultation because you feel fine. This would be like discontinuing diabetes medication because your sugar levels have returned to normal.

3. Don’t be hard on yourself.

People who have bipolar disorder often blame themselves for their symptoms. This can create a sense of discouragement which leads to less activity and ultimately worsens symptoms. I have found it is better to acknowledge that I am having a depressive episode which comes with real physical symptoms of fatigue, aches and pains, poor concentration, and an inability to enjoy things. When this happens, I just try to do my best to keep going. It doesn’t matter what I do or how well I do it I just try to keep moving, stay out of bed and keep my commitments. If I can do these things the day has been a success

4. Attend Peer Support.

Having people in your life who understand what you are going through, provide encouragement and tips on how to deal with it can be extremely helpful. I frequently say peer support is like magic, and for many of us, it is as important as medication. During the bad days, it is nice to have peers who truly understand the challenges that come with having the illness and authentically applaud every effort made to overcome symptoms.

5. Keep moving.

If you can commit to an exercise routine that is fantastic, but any amount of movement is good for the vast majority of people who have bipolar disorder. When I notice depressive episode symptoms starting, if I begin to walk regularly the episodes are not as severe and they do not last as long. When you are not well, the thought of exercise can be overwhelming, and you may not have the physical energy to do it. If that is the case, then just keep moving. Just do the best you can to stay out of bed.

6. See your psychiatrist regularly.

It is important to have a routine on when you see your psychiatrist even when things are going well. Bipolar disorder symptoms can change quickly and access to a psychiatrist is important. If your symptoms are becoming acute contact your psychiatrist right away and see if you can see them prior to your next appointment. If I was a psychiatrist, I would rather see a patient before things become severely acute rather than have to treat someone who needs to be hospitalized. I imagine there are psychiatrist who do not or cannot accommodate that type of care, but it is important to do the best we can to advocate for ourselves to receive the treatment we require.

7. Attend therapy.

Not everyone with bipolar disorder needs to deal with trauma from their past but if you do it can make living with bipolar disorder difficult. An innocuous event may trigger a flash back which results in stress making our symptoms worse. Therapy can also teach us skills to address negative thinking patterns that cause stress, anxiety and relationship problems.

8. Practice Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a method one can use to stay in the present moment and, with practice, it can provide relief from the constant thoughts that bombard your brain when you have bipolar disorder. It can also help reduce the pain of memories of events that happened when we were acutely ill that cause  shame and reduce anxiety.

9. Have a structured routine.

People with bipolar disorder thrive when they have structure. The right level of commitments and activities is different for everyone but a routine that includes meaningful work, paid  or volunteer, physical activity, a healthy social life and recreation can create a life that people can enjoy.

10. Welcome Joy Into Your Life

Happiness is not a symptom. If you feel good and you are not having symptoms of mania then enjoy it. Do what brings you joy. If you are creative then create to your hearts content. Maybe volunteering, helping others or random acts of kindness brings you joy. It doesn’t matter what it is, just try and make space for it in your life.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope it brings you all the joy and prosperity you can handle. Please leave a comment below to tell me what you think of my list. Did I leave anything out? Are some of them ridiculous? Are some of them brilliant? Any feedback is appreciated.

Rebuilding Your Life After a Severe Episode

November 22, 2021 /

Having bipolar disorder can result in many losses that may destroy one’s belief in the possibility of returning to a positive life. Acute manic or depressive episodes can result in a lose of employment, relationships with a spouse, friends, and colleagues. Plus, it is common for people to lose all their money and assets.

For example, one could have a severe manic episode that results in an extreme amount of spending which can burn through people’s savings and assets. During this episode, one can become irritable which can lead to a loss of a job or relationships. If you experience psychosis such as hallucinations, paranoia or delusions of grandeur, people do not understand you are simply not well and may become fearful of you which can also lead to a loss of relationships. Perhaps, your spouse decides they cannot deal with the drama of your illness, and they leave. In just a couple of months, you can lose all your money, assets friendships, job, and spouse.

At the end of a manic episode a depressive episode will follow which includes symptoms like extreme exhaustion, body aches, poor concentration, suicidal ideation, and an inability to enjoy anything. It feels like you are a shell of a human being and it’s easy to become hopeless. However, it is possible to rebuild your life after this happens even though it seems impossible. I, and many other people who have bipolar disorder, have been able to claw their way back to a life they enjoy after these types of incidents.

My first depressive episode was the greatest amount of suffering I have ever experienced. I had lost everything. My career, marriage, all of my money and most of my friendships. My appetite was so poor I hardly ate anything, and I had to use two hands to brush my teeth. I spent several months lying in bed. This is common during depressive episodes because the fatigue is extreme, and the warmth of the bed helps ease the pain of the body aches.

To recover from this episode I made incremental improvements in my life on a daily basis. My first goal was to spend more time sitting up in bed rather than lying down the whole day. Eventually, I was able to spend more time out of bed. Then, I built on the tiny successes everyday. I would simply do my best to make the day a little bit better than the previous day. Eventually, this created a kind of moment that helped me start down the path of wellness.

This November I have been participating in Move for Movember, an initiative where I have to walk 60 km in one month for the 60 men who die by suicide every hour around the world. You can donate by clicking here. I was hesitant to participate in this campaign because last month I walked 0 km. But I used the same approach to completing the challenge that I have used to rebuild my life when bipolar takes so much from me. At first, I just did 2 km/day. Everyday, I managed to do a tiny bit and recently my walks have been longer. I have completed 56 km and there are still a few days left in November.

When bipolar disorder destroys your life the thought of ever having a life you enjoy again seems unfathomable, but it is possible. Methodically rebuilding your life one small piece at a time is the only way to get your life. Many people who have bipolar have done it so there is always hope that life will get better.

Allan Moves for Movember

November 1, 2021 /

The rate of suicide among people who have bipolar disorder is approximately 10 -30 times higher than the general population. Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 20% (of mostly untreated) people who have bipolar disorder will die by suicide. The reasons why this occurs can be complex but I will try to explain it from the perspective of someone who has the illness.

Most of these deaths occur during depressive episodes. When you understand the symptoms of depressive episodes it is easier to understand why these deaths occur. The first problematic symptom is that depressive episodes give you suicidal ideation. Our illness impacts our thoughts and behaviour when we are acutely ill. This is a physical response caused by the illness. In my experience, pep talks and trying to have a positive attitude will have little impact in improving these thoughts when our symptoms are severe. In fact, people may conclude that they are to blame for their symptoms because they are not trying hard enough to have a positive attitude which reaffirms any negative thoughts they are having about themselves.

There are other symptoms of depressive episodes that can contribute to suicidal ideation. You have thoughts that you are worthless, no one likes you, and every aspect of life appears dark. Depressive episodes create concentration problems which make conversations impossible. During acute depressive episodes it is very difficult to enjoy anything. This means eating, entertainment, family gatherings, music, Netflix do nothing for you. It feels like you are a shell of a human being, and it is easy to conclude that there is no purpose to staying alive.

Often people who have depressive episodes think their episode will continue for the rest of their lives which is rarely the case. We generally go back to baseline, and we may even head into hypomania or mania. It’s a journey to get the right mix of medication, therapy and a positive routine to create a positive life long term. There are many people who have bipolar disorder who are able to do this, one need only attend a peer support group to meet some of them.

This year, I will be participating in Move for Movember. For this campaign, I will be walking 60 km this month for the 60 men we lose every hour around the world to suicide. There is simply not enough support for men to receive the treatment they need to prevent these deaths so I am going to participate in the walk so that in my small way I can contribute to a solution to this problem. If you would like to make a donation in my name please click here.

If you are suffering from suicidal ideation, please know you are not alone. There are many people who have suffered just like you are. It is possible to have a better life. You may not be able to think of a solution to your problems but that does not mean that a solution does not exist.

Below are a few links to resources for support for people who are struggling with suicidal ideation.

Peer Support

OBAD (Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorder)

DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance DBSA)

Distress Centre Lines

Crisis Services Canada 1-833-456-4566

Lifeline (US) 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Befriends Worldwide (International)

Lifeline (Australia) 13-11-14

The “I Am Ok” Costume

October 25, 2021 /

In my experience, most people who have bipolar disorder put a lot of effort into acting like they are fine despite the fact they are really struggling. This problem is not unique to bipolar disorder, but since it is the illness I have, I will focus on it for this blog.  

Many of the symptoms of bipolar disconnect us from people. At times, the illness prevents us from physically experiencing enjoyment. When this happens conversations are extremely difficult. People generally like to talk about positive experiences they’ve had or are having. When depressive episodes rob you from physically experiencing joy then that changes how you interact with people.

For example, depressive episodes prevent you from finding anything entertaining. You could go to a movie with a friend and when they ask you if you liked it you cannot say, “Normally, I would love it George, but right now I am experiencing a depressive episode which messes with neurotransmitters in my body, and as a result I cannot experience enjoyment right now.” I suppose you could say that, but it would probably be hard to maintain friendships if you did this on a regular basis and it is unlikely that your friend would understand what you mean. It is simpler and better for us if we just put the ” I am Ok” costume on and say we liked the movie.

It’s not just depressive episodes that are problematic. Hypomanic symptoms also require a lot of energy to make one appear “Ok.” During one of these episodes, you might notice that people keep asking you to stop interrupting them because you are talking too much or your brain is screaming at you to buy a bunch of stuff you do not need. You cannot say, “Please ignore me for awhile I’m hypomanic. Can I buy your shoes? I love this song. Do you love this song? Let’s dance on the escalator.” Instead of saying or doing these types of things you have to grit your teeth, put the costume on, smile and try not to say anything.

All of this may not seem like a big deal but it’s exhausting. Bipolar disorder is a chronic illness, so our medication helps a lot, but we still have to deal with our symptoms to varying degrees on a regular basis. When we are not well enough to get the costume over our shoulders the consequences can be harsh. A parent may be at a graduation or wedding and be unable to experience the joy of the moment and can be accused of being uncaring or cold. Someone who is hypomanic can lose a lot of money, relationships, and employment.

For me, the only relief I got from wearing the heavy, “I am ok” costume was attending peer support groups at OBAD. The format is simple. You show up at a meeting and just exist without any judgement or expectation. My first meeting was such a relief. My depressive episode was so severe I could barely manage to keep my eyes open and get a word out of my mouth. It didn’t matter. Listening to other people who had bipolar disorder talk about their experience made me feel connected and not alone. I could just be ill, and everyone understood, and they were comfortable with it.

What can people who do not have bipolar disorder do to help us when they notice we are struggling to get the costume on? Unfortunately, there is not much anyone can do. My neurotransmitters do not speak English so pep talks, advice or punitive judgement will not pop me back into wellness. I just need people to be patient and compassionate with me and, in time, I will feel better.

Fall and the Winter Months When You Have Bipolar Disorder

September 27, 2021 /

Over the years of facilitating peer support groups for people who have bipolar disorder, I have noticed that some individuals have their symptoms change in the Fall and Winter. In Calgary, during these months the days become shorter, and it can be uncomfortable to go outside in the cold weather. People tend to become less active and more isolated. All of these factors can lead to depressive episodes. There are some people who struggle with symptoms of mania or hypomania during the winter but most people I have encountered generally see their mood dip.

I used to really struggle during the Winter. My mood would become so low that I would have a hard time functioning. My psychiatrist had to make tweaks to my medication every year to help me get through it. For me, taking Vitamin D everyday has helped and doing fun activities like badminton and winter hiking have contributed to improving my quality of life in the winter.

Some people who have bipolar disorder sit in front of a light box every morning in the Winter. These lamps that are used to treat Season Affective Disorder, an illness that causes depressive symptoms in the winter, can also help people who have bipolar disorder. If you have bipolar, using these lamps can trigger manic episodes so it is important to work with a psychiatrist to determine the best way to use them.  

Having bipolar and leading a positive life is a lot of work. You have to be aware of your symptoms but not focus on them so much that it brings you down. You have to watch your stress level and use any tool available to you like exercise, meditation or counselling to keep it in check. You have to look for patterns like your bipolar disorder reacting to a change in season, negative relationships or the nature of the work you do. Once you learn how your own particular bipolar works and you find the right medication and coping mechanisms you can have a positive life that brings you moments of joy despite the suffering.

I hope you found todays blog interesting. I would be interested in hearing stories of other people who have issues with the change in season. I am a very curious about people who do not live in Calgary and what the winters are like where you live and if there any challenges during the winter months where you live.

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